Rules for Disagreeing Diplomatically
Regardless of the type of conflict you are dealing with, there are several general guidelines you should follow whenever you are trying to bring harmony to a volatile situation.
Conflict resolution is an art and science.
Here they are.
- Acknowledge the behavior by describing it without evaluation: "I see you don't agree with what's just been said, is that right?"
- Reflect your understanding of the other's position or opinion: "Let me see if I understand what you're saying..." This says, "I am listening to your opinion and I take your opinion into account before I state mine."
- Let others know that you value them as a person even though their opinions are different from yours: "I understand (appreciate, respect, see, etc.) your opinion/idea." This says, "I hear you and respect your opinion."
- Legitimize the validity of the feelings behind the behavior: "You may have a good point", "I know how you feel", "I've felt that way myself", "but I've found that..."
- Gain agreement to defer decisions: "Are you willing to let others express their opinions on the matter?" If the disruptive member does not agree to defer, then intervene gradually. Start with a subtle, unthreatening approach. However, if unsuccessful, then proceed to:
- Thank him/her, and move on to next person.
- Draw close to his/her location (invade space) and confidently thank him/her. Move on.
- Restate ground rules. If he/she can't comply, they are free to leave.
- Take person aside for private conversation.
- Becoming a good conflict manager requires a lot of practice. Just remember that the goal is to reach a compromise that both of you can live with as well as be happy with. In other words, find a way that both of you can walk away feeling like a winner!
Knowledge Check Choose the best answer for the question.
6-3. What is a general guideline you should follow whenever you are trying to bring harmony to a volatile meeting?
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